4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
I have this, for lack of a better phrase, "pet sin." I think to some degree, we all have one. And just when I think I've conquered it, just when it has seemed to leave for good, it somehow shows up again. It happened again the past weekend, not just once, but three times. It torments me, it fights me, it seems to consume me every time I stumble. For the longest time, I've wondered why it comes back when I fight so hard against it, and I'm always utterly ashamed each time it happens. If God can make anything good come out of it, it's that He's making me realize more and more I need to depend on Him and Him alone. And while this sin is slowly being removed from my life, while He's working in me, it's more important that if needed, He breaks me to realize that I need grace more and more every day. I need the cross. I need His blood to save me. Only in God's salvation will I trust as I fight this ugly sin in my life.
God, You overcame my evil with good, my hatred with love, my anger with peace, my wretchedness with beauty. Capture this heart again. Let me surrender to You so that I will have victory over all else.
So much love.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Deuteronomy Craziness
The Word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it...
They are not just idle words for you -- they are your life.
Deuteronomy 30:14, 32:47
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
Deuteronomy 31:8
I'm astounded by God's Word every day. Just think about this: as great things as the Israelites witnessed when God parted the Red Seas, when God rained down manna from heaven, when God appeared in clouds and fire, we see more today. As great things as the Apostles saw when Jesus healed the blind, raised the dead, and walked on water, we see more today. We see more today because we see all that these people saw in God's Word and His revelation to us every day, if only we would meditate on his Word more. Just astounding. What's just as amazing is that He would choose this wretched heart, this blind soul, to seek Him through His Word. Even when I chase Him for the wrong reasons, He still responds with His mercy and grace so that I can know more and more of God's love and how I need Him every day. Wow. Just amazing. God, you're amazing.
I want to know His Word so much more every day. I want to surround myself with it because I am so prone to forget His goodness and His grace.
God, let everything I have be saturated with You, because I am slow at taking You in. Put the Word in my heart, in my mind, in my body, in my prayers, in my words. Be my food, my water, my air, my shelter, my comfort, my rest.
So much goodness, so much grace, such an awesome God He is. I need the cross more and more every day. I need His Word more and more every day.
They are not just idle words for you -- they are your life.
Deuteronomy 30:14, 32:47
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
Deuteronomy 31:8
I'm astounded by God's Word every day. Just think about this: as great things as the Israelites witnessed when God parted the Red Seas, when God rained down manna from heaven, when God appeared in clouds and fire, we see more today. As great things as the Apostles saw when Jesus healed the blind, raised the dead, and walked on water, we see more today. We see more today because we see all that these people saw in God's Word and His revelation to us every day, if only we would meditate on his Word more. Just astounding. What's just as amazing is that He would choose this wretched heart, this blind soul, to seek Him through His Word. Even when I chase Him for the wrong reasons, He still responds with His mercy and grace so that I can know more and more of God's love and how I need Him every day. Wow. Just amazing. God, you're amazing.
I want to know His Word so much more every day. I want to surround myself with it because I am so prone to forget His goodness and His grace.
God, let everything I have be saturated with You, because I am slow at taking You in. Put the Word in my heart, in my mind, in my body, in my prayers, in my words. Be my food, my water, my air, my shelter, my comfort, my rest.
So much goodness, so much grace, such an awesome God He is. I need the cross more and more every day. I need His Word more and more every day.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Job 1:9-11
9 "Does Job fear God for nothing?" Satan replied. 10 "Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. 11 But stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face."
I've been struggling like CRAZY these past few days with this one question: do I really love God for who He is, and not His blessings?. It's plagued me so much that I think--I'll never be sure, but I have a feeling--that a demon possessed me last Friday night during retreat. It was a really dangerous spot to be in, and I'm still recovering from the incident. Ultimately, like Job at the end of his book, I received not a direct answer, but a simple thought to chew on: God loves me for who I am, and not what I've done. More and more, God's love, as displayed on the cross where His Son died has given me peace in my heart. I guess I've been learning that my question really doesn't have an answer simply because it contradicts God's character. What I mean is that it's in God's nature to give me blessings. I can't exactly ask Him to take away the many gifts He's given me. And never, ever will I let go of His cross. I guess I'll never know if I love God apart from His blessings because He first blessed me with the cross. And His cross shows that He loved me first. I guess that's all there is to it: I love God because He loved me first. I pray that God reminds me of this simple truth every day.
I called You answered
And You came to my rescue and I
I wanna be where You are
I've been struggling like CRAZY these past few days with this one question: do I really love God for who He is, and not His blessings?. It's plagued me so much that I think--I'll never be sure, but I have a feeling--that a demon possessed me last Friday night during retreat. It was a really dangerous spot to be in, and I'm still recovering from the incident. Ultimately, like Job at the end of his book, I received not a direct answer, but a simple thought to chew on: God loves me for who I am, and not what I've done. More and more, God's love, as displayed on the cross where His Son died has given me peace in my heart. I guess I've been learning that my question really doesn't have an answer simply because it contradicts God's character. What I mean is that it's in God's nature to give me blessings. I can't exactly ask Him to take away the many gifts He's given me. And never, ever will I let go of His cross. I guess I'll never know if I love God apart from His blessings because He first blessed me with the cross. And His cross shows that He loved me first. I guess that's all there is to it: I love God because He loved me first. I pray that God reminds me of this simple truth every day.
I called You answered
And You came to my rescue and I
I wanna be where You are
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Numbers 11:23
"Is the LORD's arm too short?"
Stupid question, right? I mean, come on, we all know full well that God reaches everywhere. His hand holds the stars in the heavens, and it constantly shapes our hearts everyday. Sometimes, though, I think I act as though God can't do certain things. A lot of times when I'm going about my daily life, doing homework, going to class, or even praying, I act as if maybe God isn't there, that maybe this one time I need to take matters into my own hands and let God step aside. How foolish it is for me to not entrust the Creator of the universe, the Savior of my soul with everything I am and everything I have. God, Your arm is NEVER too short.
The beauty of God's Word is that He Himself proves over and over again that His arm is never too short. Our God is the same God who gave a hundred-year-old man a son, turned a slave into the prime minister of Egypt, turned a murderer into the leader of Israel, and most important of all, gave the world, and this wretched heart of mine, a chance at a new life.
"Is the LORD's arm too short?"
So there's no trick question here. The LORD's arm is never too short. Let us act that way every day. Let us pray with faith, fellowship in hope, and do all things, whether we eat, drink, or study, in love, in full light of His far-reaching, never-ending love. Few ever have great faith, but as for me, I have faith, however small it is, in a great God.
Stupid question, right? I mean, come on, we all know full well that God reaches everywhere. His hand holds the stars in the heavens, and it constantly shapes our hearts everyday. Sometimes, though, I think I act as though God can't do certain things. A lot of times when I'm going about my daily life, doing homework, going to class, or even praying, I act as if maybe God isn't there, that maybe this one time I need to take matters into my own hands and let God step aside. How foolish it is for me to not entrust the Creator of the universe, the Savior of my soul with everything I am and everything I have. God, Your arm is NEVER too short.
The beauty of God's Word is that He Himself proves over and over again that His arm is never too short. Our God is the same God who gave a hundred-year-old man a son, turned a slave into the prime minister of Egypt, turned a murderer into the leader of Israel, and most important of all, gave the world, and this wretched heart of mine, a chance at a new life.
"Is the LORD's arm too short?"
So there's no trick question here. The LORD's arm is never too short. Let us act that way every day. Let us pray with faith, fellowship in hope, and do all things, whether we eat, drink, or study, in love, in full light of His far-reaching, never-ending love. Few ever have great faith, but as for me, I have faith, however small it is, in a great God.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Numbers 6:24-26
"The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace."
WOW, I absolutely love this blessing that God commands his people to use for each other.
"The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace."
Simple, yet potent. The English student in me wants to break this down word by word, stanza by stanza, by why bother? We all know well that God is love, light, and all good things. He gives us blessings beyond what we can imagine, He expects us to appreciate His gifts, and He expects us to do the same to others.
"The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace."
I'm going to make it a prayer to bless others more just like this:
"The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace."
I don't care if you're my brother, my sister, my mother, my father, my friend, my enemy, someone whom I like, someone whom I dislike, or a complete stranger. This blessing goes out to you, as it came to me. And may you do exactly the same to others (1 John 3:16 [no, that's not a typo. read: FIRST John 3:16]). God is love, God is merciful, God is just, God is kind, God is patient. In Him all good things are possible, In Him we can bless each other. Amen.
"The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace."
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Oatmeal, popcorn , crackers
Meh. Aside from two SoCal trips, break has been boring. That's neither a complaint nor a praise. It's just... meh.
I don't think I've ever felt more apathetic than I do right now. Nothing seems to give me any emotion, whether it be pleasure or pain, gladness or grief. Maybe it has a lot to do with the inactivity surrounding me. There's just not much to do around the house, aside from chores, surfing the web, and watching TV, all of which I've done, all of which I find empty. The occasional Spurs game usually entertains me, but there are hardly any games this week. Even when I try to be productive, nothing happens. I look for summer research programs, but it seems like at every program people want letters of recommendations, of which I can't procure right now. I try to buy books for next semester, but I still don't know what classes I'm gonna be in next semester because of waitlists, on which I haven't moved up in position since two weeks. Meh.
This happens in quiet times, too, a majority of the time. God used the evil deeds of Joseph's brothers for good. Meh. God wrestles with Jacob. Meh. God reavels himself to Abraham through a burning bush. Meh. I certainly don't think it's right to feel this way But the strangest thing of all is that I don't even feel despair, just meh.
Heck, even the SoCal trips, as fun as they were, didn't really bring me any sense of fulfillment. To be honest, Disneyland was just meh, and although seeing friends was cool, it just didn't feel right for some reason. Meh.
Honestly, I don't think anything can shake me out of this state right now. If I were to die right now...meh. If I were to suddenly inherit millions of dollars...meh.
I think the worst part of all is, the world, that is, my family, high school friends--even my own brothers and sisters--expect me to put on this facade of emotion that I don't have. I don't think I've genuinely smiled for a month now, though I've been wearing that fake smile, whether in text or in person, like an idiot all this while. :) Meh.
Maybe a lot of this apathy has been caused by all the time I spend to myself--for six days out of the week, I'm by the computer doing nothing of value. I try to work out, play guitar, or do something academic, but it just doesn't feel right without other people. Meh.
I wonder if any of God's people ever felt this way.
Hey, God, if You're up there--no, if You're in my heart, snap me out of it. Stir up SOMETHING in me. But you know, if you don't feel like it, whatever, it's all right. Meh.
I don't think I've ever felt more apathetic than I do right now. Nothing seems to give me any emotion, whether it be pleasure or pain, gladness or grief. Maybe it has a lot to do with the inactivity surrounding me. There's just not much to do around the house, aside from chores, surfing the web, and watching TV, all of which I've done, all of which I find empty. The occasional Spurs game usually entertains me, but there are hardly any games this week. Even when I try to be productive, nothing happens. I look for summer research programs, but it seems like at every program people want letters of recommendations, of which I can't procure right now. I try to buy books for next semester, but I still don't know what classes I'm gonna be in next semester because of waitlists, on which I haven't moved up in position since two weeks. Meh.
This happens in quiet times, too, a majority of the time. God used the evil deeds of Joseph's brothers for good. Meh. God wrestles with Jacob. Meh. God reavels himself to Abraham through a burning bush. Meh. I certainly don't think it's right to feel this way But the strangest thing of all is that I don't even feel despair, just meh.
Heck, even the SoCal trips, as fun as they were, didn't really bring me any sense of fulfillment. To be honest, Disneyland was just meh, and although seeing friends was cool, it just didn't feel right for some reason. Meh.
Honestly, I don't think anything can shake me out of this state right now. If I were to die right now...meh. If I were to suddenly inherit millions of dollars...meh.
I think the worst part of all is, the world, that is, my family, high school friends--even my own brothers and sisters--expect me to put on this facade of emotion that I don't have. I don't think I've genuinely smiled for a month now, though I've been wearing that fake smile, whether in text or in person, like an idiot all this while. :) Meh.
Maybe a lot of this apathy has been caused by all the time I spend to myself--for six days out of the week, I'm by the computer doing nothing of value. I try to work out, play guitar, or do something academic, but it just doesn't feel right without other people. Meh.
I wonder if any of God's people ever felt this way.
Hey, God, if You're up there--no, if You're in my heart, snap me out of it. Stir up SOMETHING in me. But you know, if you don't feel like it, whatever, it's all right. Meh.
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