Fast

So far, spring break has been a blessing. It's great to see the home church again, and I feel like there were more high schoolers this Sunday. Praise the Lord. God has also blessed me with a healthier relationship with my parents, and I feel like we're more willing to talk yet (I still haven't brought up my baptism. Pray for that--maybe? I feel it's at the point where I'm not supposed to delay and just obey).

Anyways, one of the things we talked about over dinner was food--that is, hunger. It's strange, isn't it? We all think we know what it means to be hungry, but what does it feel like to starve? Heck, even starving doesn't capture the nuance of our conversation. I'm talking not just starving, but perpetual starvation. None of us have really known the feeling of starvation combined with the uncertainty of food for today. It must seem really strange to us that half of the world lives on less than two dollars a day, and yet, we--the blessed ones, the Americans, the rich people--all too often consume food without giving it enough thought. It's weird how I can choose not to eat the meat my parents put on the table and to eat only the vegetables and fish for "health purposes." People who starve NEVER think like that! What kind of person scorns food when it's a God-given gift, be it fat or lean?

Myself aside, truly we are strange ones. We have this sense of security with food. Every day, we eat. That's taken for granted. Take a moment to examine why we pray before we eat. Why do we "say grace"? When was the last time you really considered the food set before you, snack or meal, as a gift from God? And beyond just food, just how many little blessings from God do we miss every day? Have we remembered to thank Him for our family, our church, our country, our friends, our school, our salvation? I'm pretty sure you could make a big list of things if you had the time. Why not?
And remember, "If the only prayer you ever say in your whole life is 'thank you,' that would suffice."

Thank you, Jesus.

Sifting Water

There's something about being swimming in a pool--alone--that makes you think more. The steady rhythm of strokes, the constant splashing of white water, the isolation from the land world... I don't know what it is, but it made me think about, well, things. And praise God that most of these thoughts were of Him. I'm really amazed at the weird ways God brings us back to him.

Halfway through my swim, I switched up my breathing from every 2 strokes to every four strokes. Breath out three times, breath in. Out, out, out, in, out, out, out, in. Very soon, I began saying to myself, alleluia, alleluia. Weird, right? This continued for over an hour, and I thought about how good He's been to me, my upcoming baptism, His work on the cross, and all in all I want to be independent of the world, and more and more dependent upon Him.

Somewhere in that time, I was composing a song in my head that tied together all these thoughts. But now I lost it. Sad, I know. Maybe I'll get it back someday. At the very least, I haven't forgotten Him.

Now that I'm back on land, dry, integrated again into this world, I wonder how I'll make my next move. Will it still be for Him? Jesus, let me remain in You, as You remain in me.

Nothing Else

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand.

Silence

So many questions I have for God. Not just petty questions, either. The type of questions that keep me awake at night, that make me forget to eat, that tear me apart and paralyze me. So much searching, so little resting. And how does He answer? Silence.

No, it's not that He doesn't answer. More so, it's that He chooses to answer with silence, because He whispers sometimes and shouts sometimes, but He always intends for me to listen more closely. And in doing so, He teaches me to be silent. He teaches me to be still and know that He is God, and I am not. Mostly, He teaches me to remember daily, hourly, that I am His, and that this beautiful truth is enough. God, thank You for reminding me that You have called me your own, that to this pile of dust you said, "This one's mine." Indeed, this heart is spoken for.

In Open Fields of Wild Flowers

Flowers of radiant colors, blue skies, the stars in the heavens...

Our Creator puts on a show for us every day, every moment we live. Yet perhaps the most beautiful of His works of art is the His salvation story. There's something in all of us that yearns for healing, for restoration, and I believe that this common desire in us is a reflection of our Creator's heart. Lately, I've felt this strong yearning for my sister to be saved, and God's been tugging at me so hard that I have no choice sometimes but to fall on my knees in prayer.
Just take a moment think about someone close to you who you want to see saved. Can you visualize it? Can you see the tears of a welcoming Father, watching and waiting in the fields for His lost ones? Can you hear the chorus of angels rejoicing in background, crying "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty"? Redemption--what a beautiful thing, a gift offered by our all-loving Father. Oh, how He loves us. I want to fall in love with you.
Someday, she'll understand the meaning of it all. He's more than laughter or the stars in the heavens, as close as a heartbeat or the song on her lips. Someday He'll call her, and she will come running, fall in His arms, and the tears will come down and she'll pray...

In open fields of wild flowers,
she breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses
in no simple language
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,

"I want to fall in love with You"

Sitting silent wearing Sunday best
The sermon echoes through the walls
A great salvation through it calls to the people
who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls

He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call us and we will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,

"I want to fall in love with You"

It seems too easy to call you "Savior",
Not close enough to call you "God"
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
to show my devotion

"I want to fall in love with You"

My heart beats for You

Psalm 7

1 O LORD my God, I take refuge in you;
save and deliver me from all who pursue me.

Bring restoration, O God.

Let us take refuge in He who takes our sadness and turns it into joy. Hallelujah, for He makes all things new.

Psalm 6

1 O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your wrath.

2 Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint;
O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony.

3 My soul is in anguish.
How long, O LORD, how long?

4 Turn, O LORD, and deliver me;
save me because of your unfailing love.


I don't know whether it's been because I've been waking up earlier or forgotten my Bible at home or just finally feel the weight of this semester tumbling down upon me, but I've realized I need to lean HARD on the rock. Life is meaningless without God; everything is meaningless without Him. So I cling to the cross more. Or am I? I don't know for sure.
I want more than anything else to embrace the Son with all I've got and just be still, knowing I'm surrounded by the Father's love, waiting to be filled by the Spirit. Instead the world's currents sweep me far away, to unfamiliar grounds, to new temptations and old, to more clutter that I DON'T want. And as a result, I'm worrying more than I need to, cursing more than I should, and fighting His grace more than I used to.

God, lift my head and focus my gaze upon You again. I need You. I want You. More than grades, more than friends, more than wealth, more than knowledge. God, my heart beats for You. Only You.

Lighter of lights - illumine us
Fire of fires - thaw us
Power of powers - strengthen us
Lover of lovers - warm us
Teller of tales - encourage us
Destroyer of darkness - save us
Touchstone of truth - examine us
Summoner of stars - amaze us
Wellspring of wisdom - weather us
Water of life - refresh us
Dancer of days - delight in us
Breath of the universe - bless us

~Lenten Prayer