Psalm 7

1 O LORD my God, I take refuge in you;
save and deliver me from all who pursue me.

Bring restoration, O God.

Let us take refuge in He who takes our sadness and turns it into joy. Hallelujah, for He makes all things new.

Psalm 6

1 O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your wrath.

2 Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint;
O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony.

3 My soul is in anguish.
How long, O LORD, how long?

4 Turn, O LORD, and deliver me;
save me because of your unfailing love.


I don't know whether it's been because I've been waking up earlier or forgotten my Bible at home or just finally feel the weight of this semester tumbling down upon me, but I've realized I need to lean HARD on the rock. Life is meaningless without God; everything is meaningless without Him. So I cling to the cross more. Or am I? I don't know for sure.
I want more than anything else to embrace the Son with all I've got and just be still, knowing I'm surrounded by the Father's love, waiting to be filled by the Spirit. Instead the world's currents sweep me far away, to unfamiliar grounds, to new temptations and old, to more clutter that I DON'T want. And as a result, I'm worrying more than I need to, cursing more than I should, and fighting His grace more than I used to.

God, lift my head and focus my gaze upon You again. I need You. I want You. More than grades, more than friends, more than wealth, more than knowledge. God, my heart beats for You. Only You.

Lighter of lights - illumine us
Fire of fires - thaw us
Power of powers - strengthen us
Lover of lovers - warm us
Teller of tales - encourage us
Destroyer of darkness - save us
Touchstone of truth - examine us
Summoner of stars - amaze us
Wellspring of wisdom - weather us
Water of life - refresh us
Dancer of days - delight in us
Breath of the universe - bless us

~Lenten Prayer

Psalm 51

4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

I have this, for lack of a better phrase, "pet sin." I think to some degree, we all have one. And just when I think I've conquered it, just when it has seemed to leave for good, it somehow shows up again. It happened again the past weekend, not just once, but three times. It torments me, it fights me, it seems to consume me every time I stumble. For the longest time, I've wondered why it comes back when I fight so hard against it, and I'm always utterly ashamed each time it happens. If God can make anything good come out of it, it's that He's making me realize more and more I need to depend on Him and Him alone. And while this sin is slowly being removed from my life, while He's working in me, it's more important that if needed, He breaks me to realize that I need grace more and more every day. I need the cross. I need His blood to save me. Only in God's salvation will I trust as I fight this ugly sin in my life.

God, You overcame my evil with good, my hatred with love, my anger with peace, my wretchedness with beauty. Capture this heart again. Let me surrender to You so that I will have victory over all else.

So much love.

Deuteronomy Craziness

The Word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it...
They are not just idle words for you -- they are your life.
Deuteronomy 30:14, 32:47

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
Deuteronomy 31:8

I'm astounded by God's Word every day. Just think about this: as great things as the Israelites witnessed when God parted the Red Seas, when God rained down manna from heaven, when God appeared in clouds and fire, we see more today. As great things as the Apostles saw when Jesus healed the blind, raised the dead, and walked on water, we see more today. We see more today because we see all that these people saw in God's Word and His revelation to us every day, if only we would meditate on his Word more. Just astounding. What's just as amazing is that He would choose this wretched heart, this blind soul, to seek Him through His Word. Even when I chase Him for the wrong reasons, He still responds with His mercy and grace so that I can know more and more of God's love and how I need Him every day. Wow. Just amazing. God, you're amazing.

I want to know His Word so much more every day. I want to surround myself with it because I am so prone to forget His goodness and His grace.

God, let everything I have be saturated with You, because I am slow at taking You in. Put the Word in my heart, in my mind, in my body, in my prayers, in my words. Be my food, my water, my air, my shelter, my comfort, my rest.

So much goodness, so much grace, such an awesome God He is. I need the cross more and more every day. I need His Word more and more every day.

Job 1:9-11

9 "Does Job fear God for nothing?" Satan replied. 10 "Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. 11 But stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face."

I've been struggling like CRAZY these past few days with this one question: do I really love God for who He is, and not His blessings?. It's plagued me so much that I think--I'll never be sure, but I have a feeling--that a demon possessed me last Friday night during retreat. It was a really dangerous spot to be in, and I'm still recovering from the incident. Ultimately, like Job at the end of his book, I received not a direct answer, but a simple thought to chew on: God loves me for who I am, and not what I've done. More and more, God's love, as displayed on the cross where His Son died has given me peace in my heart. I guess I've been learning that my question really doesn't have an answer simply because it contradicts God's character. What I mean is that it's in God's nature to give me blessings. I can't exactly ask Him to take away the many gifts He's given me. And never, ever will I let go of His cross. I guess I'll never know if I love God apart from His blessings because He first blessed me with the cross. And His cross shows that He loved me first. I guess that's all there is to it: I love God because He loved me first. I pray that God reminds me of this simple truth every day.

I called You answered
And You came to my rescue and I
I wanna be where You are