Psalm 51

4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

I have this, for lack of a better phrase, "pet sin." I think to some degree, we all have one. And just when I think I've conquered it, just when it has seemed to leave for good, it somehow shows up again. It happened again the past weekend, not just once, but three times. It torments me, it fights me, it seems to consume me every time I stumble. For the longest time, I've wondered why it comes back when I fight so hard against it, and I'm always utterly ashamed each time it happens. If God can make anything good come out of it, it's that He's making me realize more and more I need to depend on Him and Him alone. And while this sin is slowly being removed from my life, while He's working in me, it's more important that if needed, He breaks me to realize that I need grace more and more every day. I need the cross. I need His blood to save me. Only in God's salvation will I trust as I fight this ugly sin in my life.

God, You overcame my evil with good, my hatred with love, my anger with peace, my wretchedness with beauty. Capture this heart again. Let me surrender to You so that I will have victory over all else.

So much love.