Wow, it's been too long since I last posted. Let's just say, I've gone through a trying time this past semester. But God pulled me through, like He always has, and always shall. Amen.
These past days, in preparation for my trip to Beijing, I've been reading passages of Romans in Chinese. It's been really hard, but at the same time, VERY rewarding. Going through these passages in a different language somehow makes the Word seem... I don't know, fresh. It's been an empowering experience to soak in the Gospel again, like it's the first time I've seen it. Just those fundamental truths we take for granted too often jump back out and hit me anew, washing me in waves of terror of my own sin, awe at God's mercy, and joy in His amazing love for me. What fundamental truths am I talking about? The very basic ones.
1. We are sinners (3:23).
2. Sinners deserve God's wrath (1:32).
3. God sent His Son Jesus Christ to atone for our sins (5:8).
4. If we just believe in these truths, we will be saved and inherit eternal life (6:23).
Do these truths ever become stale to you? They sure do to me, when I'm lost in the daily grind, doing mundane tasks, meeting people, even when I pray or do my quiet times. And yet shouldn't these truths revolutionize our lives, our thinking, our very selves? Dearly beloved brothers and sisters in Christ, let us come back to the Word, to these fundamental, unshakable truths from our Heavenly Father. Do so, and experience a renewed joy, a renewed sense of wonder, and renewed hope as we wait on the Lord.
"Beautiful One" is playing on Pandora right now. Oh, I could dance like a fool for my God right now.
Continue to pray for the salvation of my grandparents ("Lao ye" and "Lao lao") and my aunt and uncle ("yi ma" and "yi zhang"), and others, in Beijing. The grace and peace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with you.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Pounding the rock
Just gotta keep pounding that rock. I don't know how many strikes it will take to break through, but I know each blow brings me closer. My Savior moves the mountains. I'll learn from Him, and start with this little rock.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Extravagance
God is a funny God.
For the past few weeks, one of my prayers has been, "God, do whatever it takes to draw me closer to You." And then I would pray for Him to take away things from this earth, to let me experience pain, suffering, whatever. Really, I was ready for Him to do just about anything as I grit my teeth and winced in anticipation.
But what He did just blew my mind.
No, He didn't take away. Well, maybe He did. He took away insufficiency, apathy, and anxiety, and He replaced it all with His extravagant love. He chose, in His mercy and grace, to bless me with job offers, success in school, a healthier relationship with my parents, but most of all, my family in Harvest. As if I needed a firm reminder, like a pie in the face, that God has the power, the love, and the grace to shower me with blessings, He provides, time and again.
So this post goes out to all my brothers and sisters in the LORD, each of whom I love dearly, each of whom reflects the face of God in their own special way. I know that our pursuit of the cross is a team effort, and I'm just here to say how overwhelmed I feel to have this kind of love in my life. Thank you, brothers and sisters, and thank you, Jesus.
Your love, it's extravagant.
For the past few weeks, one of my prayers has been, "God, do whatever it takes to draw me closer to You." And then I would pray for Him to take away things from this earth, to let me experience pain, suffering, whatever. Really, I was ready for Him to do just about anything as I grit my teeth and winced in anticipation.
But what He did just blew my mind.
No, He didn't take away. Well, maybe He did. He took away insufficiency, apathy, and anxiety, and He replaced it all with His extravagant love. He chose, in His mercy and grace, to bless me with job offers, success in school, a healthier relationship with my parents, but most of all, my family in Harvest. As if I needed a firm reminder, like a pie in the face, that God has the power, the love, and the grace to shower me with blessings, He provides, time and again.
So this post goes out to all my brothers and sisters in the LORD, each of whom I love dearly, each of whom reflects the face of God in their own special way. I know that our pursuit of the cross is a team effort, and I'm just here to say how overwhelmed I feel to have this kind of love in my life. Thank you, brothers and sisters, and thank you, Jesus.
Your love, it's extravagant.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Hey, back up here!
Tim, where's the prize? It's up here, remember? Look up and find Me in your heart.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Ecclesiastes 1
Meaningless. Everything we do in life, everything we strive for on this earth, everything we consider good. Meaningless. What then, has meaning? That which lasts. And only He is eternal.
I had to stop myself this morning and lie down for a loooonnng time, staring up at the bottom of the top bunk bed from the bottom bunk. I've just been so busy lately, studying, interviewing, searching for jobs, sending e-mails, checking e-mail. I needed to stop myself to remember the prize. No, not grad school or med school, though that is my more immediate goal. No, the real prize is up there. WAAAYYY up, where our Father dwells. The prize IS Him. So I wait. I am still. I am silent, knowing He is LORD, with a capital everything. God, keep my focus on You, and nowhere else. Help me to run the race. Help me to win the prize. Keep me faithful, keep me steady, just like You are enduring.
On Christ the solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.
I had to stop myself this morning and lie down for a loooonnng time, staring up at the bottom of the top bunk bed from the bottom bunk. I've just been so busy lately, studying, interviewing, searching for jobs, sending e-mails, checking e-mail. I needed to stop myself to remember the prize. No, not grad school or med school, though that is my more immediate goal. No, the real prize is up there. WAAAYYY up, where our Father dwells. The prize IS Him. So I wait. I am still. I am silent, knowing He is LORD, with a capital everything. God, keep my focus on You, and nowhere else. Help me to run the race. Help me to win the prize. Keep me faithful, keep me steady, just like You are enduring.
On Christ the solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Fast
So far, spring break has been a blessing. It's great to see the home church again, and I feel like there were more high schoolers this Sunday. Praise the Lord. God has also blessed me with a healthier relationship with my parents, and I feel like we're more willing to talk yet (I still haven't brought up my baptism. Pray for that--maybe? I feel it's at the point where I'm not supposed to delay and just obey).
Anyways, one of the things we talked about over dinner was food--that is, hunger. It's strange, isn't it? We all think we know what it means to be hungry, but what does it feel like to starve? Heck, even starving doesn't capture the nuance of our conversation. I'm talking not just starving, but perpetual starvation. None of us have really known the feeling of starvation combined with the uncertainty of food for today. It must seem really strange to us that half of the world lives on less than two dollars a day, and yet, we--the blessed ones, the Americans, the rich people--all too often consume food without giving it enough thought. It's weird how I can choose not to eat the meat my parents put on the table and to eat only the vegetables and fish for "health purposes." People who starve NEVER think like that! What kind of person scorns food when it's a God-given gift, be it fat or lean?
Myself aside, truly we are strange ones. We have this sense of security with food. Every day, we eat. That's taken for granted. Take a moment to examine why we pray before we eat. Why do we "say grace"? When was the last time you really considered the food set before you, snack or meal, as a gift from God? And beyond just food, just how many little blessings from God do we miss every day? Have we remembered to thank Him for our family, our church, our country, our friends, our school, our salvation? I'm pretty sure you could make a big list of things if you had the time. Why not?
And remember, "If the only prayer you ever say in your whole life is 'thank you,' that would suffice."
Thank you, Jesus.
Anyways, one of the things we talked about over dinner was food--that is, hunger. It's strange, isn't it? We all think we know what it means to be hungry, but what does it feel like to starve? Heck, even starving doesn't capture the nuance of our conversation. I'm talking not just starving, but perpetual starvation. None of us have really known the feeling of starvation combined with the uncertainty of food for today. It must seem really strange to us that half of the world lives on less than two dollars a day, and yet, we--the blessed ones, the Americans, the rich people--all too often consume food without giving it enough thought. It's weird how I can choose not to eat the meat my parents put on the table and to eat only the vegetables and fish for "health purposes." People who starve NEVER think like that! What kind of person scorns food when it's a God-given gift, be it fat or lean?
Myself aside, truly we are strange ones. We have this sense of security with food. Every day, we eat. That's taken for granted. Take a moment to examine why we pray before we eat. Why do we "say grace"? When was the last time you really considered the food set before you, snack or meal, as a gift from God? And beyond just food, just how many little blessings from God do we miss every day? Have we remembered to thank Him for our family, our church, our country, our friends, our school, our salvation? I'm pretty sure you could make a big list of things if you had the time. Why not?
And remember, "If the only prayer you ever say in your whole life is 'thank you,' that would suffice."
Thank you, Jesus.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Sifting Water
There's something about being swimming in a pool--alone--that makes you think more. The steady rhythm of strokes, the constant splashing of white water, the isolation from the land world... I don't know what it is, but it made me think about, well, things. And praise God that most of these thoughts were of Him. I'm really amazed at the weird ways God brings us back to him.
Halfway through my swim, I switched up my breathing from every 2 strokes to every four strokes. Breath out three times, breath in. Out, out, out, in, out, out, out, in. Very soon, I began saying to myself, alleluia, alleluia. Weird, right? This continued for over an hour, and I thought about how good He's been to me, my upcoming baptism, His work on the cross, and all in all I want to be independent of the world, and more and more dependent upon Him.
Somewhere in that time, I was composing a song in my head that tied together all these thoughts. But now I lost it. Sad, I know. Maybe I'll get it back someday. At the very least, I haven't forgotten Him.
Now that I'm back on land, dry, integrated again into this world, I wonder how I'll make my next move. Will it still be for Him? Jesus, let me remain in You, as You remain in me.
Halfway through my swim, I switched up my breathing from every 2 strokes to every four strokes. Breath out three times, breath in. Out, out, out, in, out, out, out, in. Very soon, I began saying to myself, alleluia, alleluia. Weird, right? This continued for over an hour, and I thought about how good He's been to me, my upcoming baptism, His work on the cross, and all in all I want to be independent of the world, and more and more dependent upon Him.
Somewhere in that time, I was composing a song in my head that tied together all these thoughts. But now I lost it. Sad, I know. Maybe I'll get it back someday. At the very least, I haven't forgotten Him.
Now that I'm back on land, dry, integrated again into this world, I wonder how I'll make my next move. Will it still be for Him? Jesus, let me remain in You, as You remain in me.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Silence
So many questions I have for God. Not just petty questions, either. The type of questions that keep me awake at night, that make me forget to eat, that tear me apart and paralyze me. So much searching, so little resting. And how does He answer? Silence.
No, it's not that He doesn't answer. More so, it's that He chooses to answer with silence, because He whispers sometimes and shouts sometimes, but He always intends for me to listen more closely. And in doing so, He teaches me to be silent. He teaches me to be still and know that He is God, and I am not. Mostly, He teaches me to remember daily, hourly, that I am His, and that this beautiful truth is enough. God, thank You for reminding me that You have called me your own, that to this pile of dust you said, "This one's mine." Indeed, this heart is spoken for.
No, it's not that He doesn't answer. More so, it's that He chooses to answer with silence, because He whispers sometimes and shouts sometimes, but He always intends for me to listen more closely. And in doing so, He teaches me to be silent. He teaches me to be still and know that He is God, and I am not. Mostly, He teaches me to remember daily, hourly, that I am His, and that this beautiful truth is enough. God, thank You for reminding me that You have called me your own, that to this pile of dust you said, "This one's mine." Indeed, this heart is spoken for.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
In Open Fields of Wild Flowers
Flowers of radiant colors, blue skies, the stars in the heavens...
Our Creator puts on a show for us every day, every moment we live. Yet perhaps the most beautiful of His works of art is the His salvation story. There's something in all of us that yearns for healing, for restoration, and I believe that this common desire in us is a reflection of our Creator's heart. Lately, I've felt this strong yearning for my sister to be saved, and God's been tugging at me so hard that I have no choice sometimes but to fall on my knees in prayer.
Just take a moment think about someone close to you who you want to see saved. Can you visualize it? Can you see the tears of a welcoming Father, watching and waiting in the fields for His lost ones? Can you hear the chorus of angels rejoicing in background, crying "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty"? Redemption--what a beautiful thing, a gift offered by our all-loving Father. Oh, how He loves us. I want to fall in love with you.
Someday, she'll understand the meaning of it all. He's more than laughter or the stars in the heavens, as close as a heartbeat or the song on her lips. Someday He'll call her, and she will come running, fall in His arms, and the tears will come down and she'll pray...
In open fields of wild flowers,
she breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses
in no simple language
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,
"I want to fall in love with You"
Sitting silent wearing Sunday best
The sermon echoes through the walls
A great salvation through it calls to the people
who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call us and we will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,
"I want to fall in love with You"
It seems too easy to call you "Savior",
Not close enough to call you "God"
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
to show my devotion
"I want to fall in love with You"
My heart beats for You
Our Creator puts on a show for us every day, every moment we live. Yet perhaps the most beautiful of His works of art is the His salvation story. There's something in all of us that yearns for healing, for restoration, and I believe that this common desire in us is a reflection of our Creator's heart. Lately, I've felt this strong yearning for my sister to be saved, and God's been tugging at me so hard that I have no choice sometimes but to fall on my knees in prayer.
Just take a moment think about someone close to you who you want to see saved. Can you visualize it? Can you see the tears of a welcoming Father, watching and waiting in the fields for His lost ones? Can you hear the chorus of angels rejoicing in background, crying "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty"? Redemption--what a beautiful thing, a gift offered by our all-loving Father. Oh, how He loves us. I want to fall in love with you.
Someday, she'll understand the meaning of it all. He's more than laughter or the stars in the heavens, as close as a heartbeat or the song on her lips. Someday He'll call her, and she will come running, fall in His arms, and the tears will come down and she'll pray...
In open fields of wild flowers,
she breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses
in no simple language
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,
"I want to fall in love with You"
Sitting silent wearing Sunday best
The sermon echoes through the walls
A great salvation through it calls to the people
who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call us and we will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,
"I want to fall in love with You"
It seems too easy to call you "Savior",
Not close enough to call you "God"
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
to show my devotion
"I want to fall in love with You"
My heart beats for You
Monday, February 22, 2010
Psalm 7
1 O LORD my God, I take refuge in you;
save and deliver me from all who pursue me.
Bring restoration, O God.
Let us take refuge in He who takes our sadness and turns it into joy. Hallelujah, for He makes all things new.
save and deliver me from all who pursue me.
Bring restoration, O God.
Let us take refuge in He who takes our sadness and turns it into joy. Hallelujah, for He makes all things new.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Psalm 6
1 O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your wrath.
2 Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint;
O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony.
3 My soul is in anguish.
How long, O LORD, how long?
4 Turn, O LORD, and deliver me;
save me because of your unfailing love.
I don't know whether it's been because I've been waking up earlier or forgotten my Bible at home or just finally feel the weight of this semester tumbling down upon me, but I've realized I need to lean HARD on the rock. Life is meaningless without God; everything is meaningless without Him. So I cling to the cross more. Or am I? I don't know for sure.
I want more than anything else to embrace the Son with all I've got and just be still, knowing I'm surrounded by the Father's love, waiting to be filled by the Spirit. Instead the world's currents sweep me far away, to unfamiliar grounds, to new temptations and old, to more clutter that I DON'T want. And as a result, I'm worrying more than I need to, cursing more than I should, and fighting His grace more than I used to.
God, lift my head and focus my gaze upon You again. I need You. I want You. More than grades, more than friends, more than wealth, more than knowledge. God, my heart beats for You. Only You.
Lighter of lights - illumine us
Fire of fires - thaw us
Power of powers - strengthen us
Lover of lovers - warm us
Teller of tales - encourage us
Destroyer of darkness - save us
Touchstone of truth - examine us
Summoner of stars - amaze us
Wellspring of wisdom - weather us
Water of life - refresh us
Dancer of days - delight in us
Breath of the universe - bless us
~Lenten Prayer
or discipline me in your wrath.
2 Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint;
O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony.
3 My soul is in anguish.
How long, O LORD, how long?
4 Turn, O LORD, and deliver me;
save me because of your unfailing love.
I don't know whether it's been because I've been waking up earlier or forgotten my Bible at home or just finally feel the weight of this semester tumbling down upon me, but I've realized I need to lean HARD on the rock. Life is meaningless without God; everything is meaningless without Him. So I cling to the cross more. Or am I? I don't know for sure.
I want more than anything else to embrace the Son with all I've got and just be still, knowing I'm surrounded by the Father's love, waiting to be filled by the Spirit. Instead the world's currents sweep me far away, to unfamiliar grounds, to new temptations and old, to more clutter that I DON'T want. And as a result, I'm worrying more than I need to, cursing more than I should, and fighting His grace more than I used to.
God, lift my head and focus my gaze upon You again. I need You. I want You. More than grades, more than friends, more than wealth, more than knowledge. God, my heart beats for You. Only You.
Lighter of lights - illumine us
Fire of fires - thaw us
Power of powers - strengthen us
Lover of lovers - warm us
Teller of tales - encourage us
Destroyer of darkness - save us
Touchstone of truth - examine us
Summoner of stars - amaze us
Wellspring of wisdom - weather us
Water of life - refresh us
Dancer of days - delight in us
Breath of the universe - bless us
~Lenten Prayer
Monday, February 15, 2010
Psalm 51
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
I have this, for lack of a better phrase, "pet sin." I think to some degree, we all have one. And just when I think I've conquered it, just when it has seemed to leave for good, it somehow shows up again. It happened again the past weekend, not just once, but three times. It torments me, it fights me, it seems to consume me every time I stumble. For the longest time, I've wondered why it comes back when I fight so hard against it, and I'm always utterly ashamed each time it happens. If God can make anything good come out of it, it's that He's making me realize more and more I need to depend on Him and Him alone. And while this sin is slowly being removed from my life, while He's working in me, it's more important that if needed, He breaks me to realize that I need grace more and more every day. I need the cross. I need His blood to save me. Only in God's salvation will I trust as I fight this ugly sin in my life.
God, You overcame my evil with good, my hatred with love, my anger with peace, my wretchedness with beauty. Capture this heart again. Let me surrender to You so that I will have victory over all else.
So much love.
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
I have this, for lack of a better phrase, "pet sin." I think to some degree, we all have one. And just when I think I've conquered it, just when it has seemed to leave for good, it somehow shows up again. It happened again the past weekend, not just once, but three times. It torments me, it fights me, it seems to consume me every time I stumble. For the longest time, I've wondered why it comes back when I fight so hard against it, and I'm always utterly ashamed each time it happens. If God can make anything good come out of it, it's that He's making me realize more and more I need to depend on Him and Him alone. And while this sin is slowly being removed from my life, while He's working in me, it's more important that if needed, He breaks me to realize that I need grace more and more every day. I need the cross. I need His blood to save me. Only in God's salvation will I trust as I fight this ugly sin in my life.
God, You overcame my evil with good, my hatred with love, my anger with peace, my wretchedness with beauty. Capture this heart again. Let me surrender to You so that I will have victory over all else.
So much love.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Deuteronomy Craziness
The Word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it...
They are not just idle words for you -- they are your life.
Deuteronomy 30:14, 32:47
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
Deuteronomy 31:8
I'm astounded by God's Word every day. Just think about this: as great things as the Israelites witnessed when God parted the Red Seas, when God rained down manna from heaven, when God appeared in clouds and fire, we see more today. As great things as the Apostles saw when Jesus healed the blind, raised the dead, and walked on water, we see more today. We see more today because we see all that these people saw in God's Word and His revelation to us every day, if only we would meditate on his Word more. Just astounding. What's just as amazing is that He would choose this wretched heart, this blind soul, to seek Him through His Word. Even when I chase Him for the wrong reasons, He still responds with His mercy and grace so that I can know more and more of God's love and how I need Him every day. Wow. Just amazing. God, you're amazing.
I want to know His Word so much more every day. I want to surround myself with it because I am so prone to forget His goodness and His grace.
God, let everything I have be saturated with You, because I am slow at taking You in. Put the Word in my heart, in my mind, in my body, in my prayers, in my words. Be my food, my water, my air, my shelter, my comfort, my rest.
So much goodness, so much grace, such an awesome God He is. I need the cross more and more every day. I need His Word more and more every day.
They are not just idle words for you -- they are your life.
Deuteronomy 30:14, 32:47
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
Deuteronomy 31:8
I'm astounded by God's Word every day. Just think about this: as great things as the Israelites witnessed when God parted the Red Seas, when God rained down manna from heaven, when God appeared in clouds and fire, we see more today. As great things as the Apostles saw when Jesus healed the blind, raised the dead, and walked on water, we see more today. We see more today because we see all that these people saw in God's Word and His revelation to us every day, if only we would meditate on his Word more. Just astounding. What's just as amazing is that He would choose this wretched heart, this blind soul, to seek Him through His Word. Even when I chase Him for the wrong reasons, He still responds with His mercy and grace so that I can know more and more of God's love and how I need Him every day. Wow. Just amazing. God, you're amazing.
I want to know His Word so much more every day. I want to surround myself with it because I am so prone to forget His goodness and His grace.
God, let everything I have be saturated with You, because I am slow at taking You in. Put the Word in my heart, in my mind, in my body, in my prayers, in my words. Be my food, my water, my air, my shelter, my comfort, my rest.
So much goodness, so much grace, such an awesome God He is. I need the cross more and more every day. I need His Word more and more every day.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Job 1:9-11
9 "Does Job fear God for nothing?" Satan replied. 10 "Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. 11 But stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face."
I've been struggling like CRAZY these past few days with this one question: do I really love God for who He is, and not His blessings?. It's plagued me so much that I think--I'll never be sure, but I have a feeling--that a demon possessed me last Friday night during retreat. It was a really dangerous spot to be in, and I'm still recovering from the incident. Ultimately, like Job at the end of his book, I received not a direct answer, but a simple thought to chew on: God loves me for who I am, and not what I've done. More and more, God's love, as displayed on the cross where His Son died has given me peace in my heart. I guess I've been learning that my question really doesn't have an answer simply because it contradicts God's character. What I mean is that it's in God's nature to give me blessings. I can't exactly ask Him to take away the many gifts He's given me. And never, ever will I let go of His cross. I guess I'll never know if I love God apart from His blessings because He first blessed me with the cross. And His cross shows that He loved me first. I guess that's all there is to it: I love God because He loved me first. I pray that God reminds me of this simple truth every day.
I called You answered
And You came to my rescue and I
I wanna be where You are
I've been struggling like CRAZY these past few days with this one question: do I really love God for who He is, and not His blessings?. It's plagued me so much that I think--I'll never be sure, but I have a feeling--that a demon possessed me last Friday night during retreat. It was a really dangerous spot to be in, and I'm still recovering from the incident. Ultimately, like Job at the end of his book, I received not a direct answer, but a simple thought to chew on: God loves me for who I am, and not what I've done. More and more, God's love, as displayed on the cross where His Son died has given me peace in my heart. I guess I've been learning that my question really doesn't have an answer simply because it contradicts God's character. What I mean is that it's in God's nature to give me blessings. I can't exactly ask Him to take away the many gifts He's given me. And never, ever will I let go of His cross. I guess I'll never know if I love God apart from His blessings because He first blessed me with the cross. And His cross shows that He loved me first. I guess that's all there is to it: I love God because He loved me first. I pray that God reminds me of this simple truth every day.
I called You answered
And You came to my rescue and I
I wanna be where You are
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Numbers 11:23
"Is the LORD's arm too short?"
Stupid question, right? I mean, come on, we all know full well that God reaches everywhere. His hand holds the stars in the heavens, and it constantly shapes our hearts everyday. Sometimes, though, I think I act as though God can't do certain things. A lot of times when I'm going about my daily life, doing homework, going to class, or even praying, I act as if maybe God isn't there, that maybe this one time I need to take matters into my own hands and let God step aside. How foolish it is for me to not entrust the Creator of the universe, the Savior of my soul with everything I am and everything I have. God, Your arm is NEVER too short.
The beauty of God's Word is that He Himself proves over and over again that His arm is never too short. Our God is the same God who gave a hundred-year-old man a son, turned a slave into the prime minister of Egypt, turned a murderer into the leader of Israel, and most important of all, gave the world, and this wretched heart of mine, a chance at a new life.
"Is the LORD's arm too short?"
So there's no trick question here. The LORD's arm is never too short. Let us act that way every day. Let us pray with faith, fellowship in hope, and do all things, whether we eat, drink, or study, in love, in full light of His far-reaching, never-ending love. Few ever have great faith, but as for me, I have faith, however small it is, in a great God.
Stupid question, right? I mean, come on, we all know full well that God reaches everywhere. His hand holds the stars in the heavens, and it constantly shapes our hearts everyday. Sometimes, though, I think I act as though God can't do certain things. A lot of times when I'm going about my daily life, doing homework, going to class, or even praying, I act as if maybe God isn't there, that maybe this one time I need to take matters into my own hands and let God step aside. How foolish it is for me to not entrust the Creator of the universe, the Savior of my soul with everything I am and everything I have. God, Your arm is NEVER too short.
The beauty of God's Word is that He Himself proves over and over again that His arm is never too short. Our God is the same God who gave a hundred-year-old man a son, turned a slave into the prime minister of Egypt, turned a murderer into the leader of Israel, and most important of all, gave the world, and this wretched heart of mine, a chance at a new life.
"Is the LORD's arm too short?"
So there's no trick question here. The LORD's arm is never too short. Let us act that way every day. Let us pray with faith, fellowship in hope, and do all things, whether we eat, drink, or study, in love, in full light of His far-reaching, never-ending love. Few ever have great faith, but as for me, I have faith, however small it is, in a great God.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Numbers 6:24-26
"The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace."
WOW, I absolutely love this blessing that God commands his people to use for each other.
"The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace."
Simple, yet potent. The English student in me wants to break this down word by word, stanza by stanza, by why bother? We all know well that God is love, light, and all good things. He gives us blessings beyond what we can imagine, He expects us to appreciate His gifts, and He expects us to do the same to others.
"The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace."
I'm going to make it a prayer to bless others more just like this:
"The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace."
I don't care if you're my brother, my sister, my mother, my father, my friend, my enemy, someone whom I like, someone whom I dislike, or a complete stranger. This blessing goes out to you, as it came to me. And may you do exactly the same to others (1 John 3:16 [no, that's not a typo. read: FIRST John 3:16]). God is love, God is merciful, God is just, God is kind, God is patient. In Him all good things are possible, In Him we can bless each other. Amen.
"The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace."
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Oatmeal, popcorn , crackers
Meh. Aside from two SoCal trips, break has been boring. That's neither a complaint nor a praise. It's just... meh.
I don't think I've ever felt more apathetic than I do right now. Nothing seems to give me any emotion, whether it be pleasure or pain, gladness or grief. Maybe it has a lot to do with the inactivity surrounding me. There's just not much to do around the house, aside from chores, surfing the web, and watching TV, all of which I've done, all of which I find empty. The occasional Spurs game usually entertains me, but there are hardly any games this week. Even when I try to be productive, nothing happens. I look for summer research programs, but it seems like at every program people want letters of recommendations, of which I can't procure right now. I try to buy books for next semester, but I still don't know what classes I'm gonna be in next semester because of waitlists, on which I haven't moved up in position since two weeks. Meh.
This happens in quiet times, too, a majority of the time. God used the evil deeds of Joseph's brothers for good. Meh. God wrestles with Jacob. Meh. God reavels himself to Abraham through a burning bush. Meh. I certainly don't think it's right to feel this way But the strangest thing of all is that I don't even feel despair, just meh.
Heck, even the SoCal trips, as fun as they were, didn't really bring me any sense of fulfillment. To be honest, Disneyland was just meh, and although seeing friends was cool, it just didn't feel right for some reason. Meh.
Honestly, I don't think anything can shake me out of this state right now. If I were to die right now...meh. If I were to suddenly inherit millions of dollars...meh.
I think the worst part of all is, the world, that is, my family, high school friends--even my own brothers and sisters--expect me to put on this facade of emotion that I don't have. I don't think I've genuinely smiled for a month now, though I've been wearing that fake smile, whether in text or in person, like an idiot all this while. :) Meh.
Maybe a lot of this apathy has been caused by all the time I spend to myself--for six days out of the week, I'm by the computer doing nothing of value. I try to work out, play guitar, or do something academic, but it just doesn't feel right without other people. Meh.
I wonder if any of God's people ever felt this way.
Hey, God, if You're up there--no, if You're in my heart, snap me out of it. Stir up SOMETHING in me. But you know, if you don't feel like it, whatever, it's all right. Meh.
I don't think I've ever felt more apathetic than I do right now. Nothing seems to give me any emotion, whether it be pleasure or pain, gladness or grief. Maybe it has a lot to do with the inactivity surrounding me. There's just not much to do around the house, aside from chores, surfing the web, and watching TV, all of which I've done, all of which I find empty. The occasional Spurs game usually entertains me, but there are hardly any games this week. Even when I try to be productive, nothing happens. I look for summer research programs, but it seems like at every program people want letters of recommendations, of which I can't procure right now. I try to buy books for next semester, but I still don't know what classes I'm gonna be in next semester because of waitlists, on which I haven't moved up in position since two weeks. Meh.
This happens in quiet times, too, a majority of the time. God used the evil deeds of Joseph's brothers for good. Meh. God wrestles with Jacob. Meh. God reavels himself to Abraham through a burning bush. Meh. I certainly don't think it's right to feel this way But the strangest thing of all is that I don't even feel despair, just meh.
Heck, even the SoCal trips, as fun as they were, didn't really bring me any sense of fulfillment. To be honest, Disneyland was just meh, and although seeing friends was cool, it just didn't feel right for some reason. Meh.
Honestly, I don't think anything can shake me out of this state right now. If I were to die right now...meh. If I were to suddenly inherit millions of dollars...meh.
I think the worst part of all is, the world, that is, my family, high school friends--even my own brothers and sisters--expect me to put on this facade of emotion that I don't have. I don't think I've genuinely smiled for a month now, though I've been wearing that fake smile, whether in text or in person, like an idiot all this while. :) Meh.
Maybe a lot of this apathy has been caused by all the time I spend to myself--for six days out of the week, I'm by the computer doing nothing of value. I try to work out, play guitar, or do something academic, but it just doesn't feel right without other people. Meh.
I wonder if any of God's people ever felt this way.
Hey, God, if You're up there--no, if You're in my heart, snap me out of it. Stir up SOMETHING in me. But you know, if you don't feel like it, whatever, it's all right. Meh.
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